Boosting Your Self Esteem: Avoiding the Last Piece of Burnt Toast

Years ago when I was a child I used to enjoy spending Wednesday nights with my Nana and Grandpa. It was such a special time for me and I adored being with both of them.

In the mornings, Nana would make breakfast for Grandpa and I. Our meal usually consisted of eggs, toast, juice and milk. Typically there would be one piece of toast that was darker or a bit more burnt than the rest. My Nana always used to give Grandpa and I the ‘good’ pieces and she took the burnt one and I remember watching her stand by the kitchen sink and scrape the burnt part off of her toast. Occasionally she would just take a bite out of the toast without scraping it.

I remember thinking as a child that what Nana was doing seemed kind of odd to me. I didn’t understand it and I  wondered why she did it. In later years, I got a chance to understand her better and I was able to put the pieces together. I realized that this ritual was a pattern of hers and it was something that gave her a sense of identity and pride. In Nana’s day, that was how women gained their sense of significance in the world; by taking care of others, sacrificing their needs for the good of the family and by being everything to everyone. From my personal observations, I have seen that thinking leads to resentment and self abuse and feelings of always being deprived.

I see that thinking in so  many of my clients. For the most part, women have been conditioned to think of themselves as second best. We’re juggling so many balls in the air at the same time and it gets really hard sometimes. We often sacrifice so much of ourselves for our families, our parents, our career and our friends, rarely do we stop to check in with ourselves to find out what we need. That's become the job of food in our lives. We often eat to fulfill the needs that we are afraid to admit to ourselves.

I’d like to offer you a little challenge. The next time that you have the impulse to take something that is of lesser value than you give to others, ask yourself, “Why?” What would happen if I didn’t give in to this belief? What would happen if I just waited to get what I wanted instead of settling for what’s less than the best?

What do you really want?

I’d love to hear your comments and thoughts. Have you been doing the burnt toast thing?

Comments

[Jomay]

Andrea

I used to do this all the time when dishing up dinner - giving everyone else the best parts and me having what is left! Now I am a little more nurturing to myself and consider my needs just as important. As woman, I think we sometimes see this as being selfish or self-indulgent which is madness and guess what - there is nothing wrong with being a bit selfish and self-indulgent from time to time.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to take care of others but you also deserve to give yourself the same treatment.

Great article.

Jo x