Hope for Abuse Survivors Struggling with Constant Hunger

Dieting and stress go hand in hand. I don’t think that anyone would disagree with that. If you’re a woman who’s ever been on a diet, you know that if you’re on a weight loss program, then you feel pressured to do it perfectly. Don’t you?

There’s just no room for mistakes, right?  That’s what I thought too.

I started my first diet when I was 11 years old. In 1973, my Pediatrician, Dr. Zucker put me on a 1000 calorie a day diet. He gave me a list of foods to avoid that was probably as long as my arm. It crushed my little soul having to think of never being able to eat those foods again.

Like so many other women, the concept of good and bad foods has followed me around for years. I was taught that when I eat the foods that are on the ‘good’ list, then I’m entitled to feel virtuous and proud of my accomplishments. On the other hand, when I eat the foods from the ‘bad’ list, I tend to feel awful about myself, almost as though I’m a thief or a criminal.

In an attempt to cradle my aching heart after years of being abused by my alcoholic stepfather and many other nameless, faceless men as a kid, I ate in secret, hiding my guilty shame and evil deeds from others.

When I moved in with my Dad and my step mother, Rosie, I’d steal money from my dad’s money clip when he wasn’t looking and stick it in my jacket pocket so that I could buy candy and pizza after school the next day. I took babysitting jobs so that I could raid the cabinets and refrigerators of the women who entrusted me with their children. Yessirre. I would do almost anything for food. I was what you'd call a food floozie.

Today I finally declare my independence from food thanks to a process called Intuitive Eating, a term first used by registered dieticians Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole. Intuitive Eating is a permission based approach to food. Nothing is off bounds. You can eat anything you want as long as you eat in response to your hunger.

Last August when I first tested out this process, I was astonished by how my tastes for food were changing without even trying. All of a sudden pototo chips tasted too salty and chocolate sometimes tasted too sweet. I knew that this was incredible and that it really could work. Yet I couldn't get a handle on this thing called hunger. I just always felt physically hungry. Now, as a trained Certified Energy Coach, I know that our bodies can fool us into thinking that we're hungry when we're not. Despite a tendency to continue to overeat, I was slowly learning to eat differently. I was beginning to realize that I had control over foods.

Nonetheless, my independence cost me a weight gain of 25 pounds in order for me to truly discover that I actually could control myself around food. Today I continue along on the road back down to my normal weight. As I do, I take pride in knowing that I can handle any former temptation. Although I am a fierce advocate of Intuitive Eating and I love it passionately, I wouldn't recommend it to be used alone for any woman who has a history of abuse. It's like being handed a loaded gun.

As a coach who teaches women how to reclaim their power over food, you’d naturally ask yourself, “Andrea, who the heck do you think you are teaching me to lose weight if you can’t do it yourself.”

Good question.

As a woman who has had more than her share of adversity, the gift that I bring to the table for you is a marriage of two methods, Intuitive Eating and energy coaching. I don't propose to teach you how to lose weight, rather I guarantee that I will help you to make peace with all foods so that you will gently lose weight on your own, loving and respecting yourself more than ever throughout the entire process.

You see, I don't want you to have to make the same mistake I did and gain massive amounts of weight because you struggle with always feeling hungry. If you're a woman with a history of abuse, the hunger you feel is not coming from your body, it's coming from your heart. I can help you deal with that and free yourself from the pain of your past.

Before deciding to say goodbye to dieting, I had successfully achieved and maintained a weight loss of over 40 pounds for nearly 5 years. It made me cocky and sassy, thinking that I had it all figured out. I may have been good at playing the game of dieting, but food had complete control over me. Everytime I felt stressed, I would eat, I'd pick at food all day long and avoid parts of my life by eating. As a dieter, successfully losing the weight, the games became more intense. In order to keep my weight loss, I had to follow a grueling schedule of workouts. I ate like a pigeon when I was preparing to eat like a vulture. That never changed through all my years of dieting.

Because my background was filled with abuse, I have had and still sometimes continue to work on many insecurities around my body and my abilities to trust myself around food. I was taught that I had no self control. On the smallest of scales, my M&Ms were counted and I was made to feel small if I 'cheated' on my diet. All that baggage and more joined the party when I began to test out the process of Intuitive Eating.

Believing that I had no ability to stop eating and that food controlled my every waking moment, I was pulled to eat everytime any stress popped up in my life. I found myself eating every hour on the hour, grabbing something just to feel safe and satisfied.

I'm a hard head. It took me 25 pounds to realize that for a gal with serious issues around security and safety, Intuitive Eating was taking too darned long. That's when I realized that it needed a kick in the pants that could only come from energy coaching.

Years prior, I had been taught a technique called Emotional Freedom Technique and it did for me what 18 years of talk therapy failed to do. It freed me from many painful memories that haunted me night and day.I even learned how to apply it to whacking down cravings.

After gaining the weight, I realized that I had to combine the two processes. Since I've done that and created a program for women, I've been astonished at the results. Women with abuse histories like my clients have achieved weight losses of up to 40 pounds and more using this combined process. To learn more about how you can safely and confidently end the turmoil of yo-yo dieting, read a few chapters of my upcoming book "Say Goodbye to Dieting", and discover new hope that will lead you to know that you too can lose weight without dieting. Come see what all the buzz is about.

Comments

[Andrea Amador]

Emy, I applaud your abilities to stay in shape despite your struggle. I'm sure you've worked very hard and have learned how to manage your activity and food in such a way that your body maintains a reasonable deficit of calories that keeps you in the fighting shape you are.

However it is my contention that you are still being controlled by the diet mentality to a certain extent. Even with your choice to remove the word, "Diet" from your vocabulary, by thinking of yourself as on and off the boat, you are creating the same kind of stressful internal battle inside of your head that keeps you in the position of constantly judging each of your actions as either good or bad.

While I completely respect your wish to continue moderating your food intake by using a prescribed plan such as South Beach, I just want to bring my observations to your attention.

Your story touched me and brought me back to a time in my life when dieting and maintaining my body and getting stronger through exercise meant the world to me. Like you, I also had a goal burning brightly before me. Our brains are set up to work like heat seeking missiles, when you set a goal, your brain will find a way for you to achieve it. As long as you focus on reaching that goal, you will achieve it.

However there's another part of us, that can sometimes get in the way. That's the part of us that reflects our beliefs and programming. If you are in conflict at all with your worthiness and sense of entitlement to be thinner and healthier, that part will cause you to do things that you might consider to be bad. It will make you 'fall' off the boat and sabotage your diet.

I disagree in your assessment that the secret to dieting success lies solely in knowing what to do and doing it. If that were true, why is it that dieting doesn't work for 92-98% of all people? I wish you the best of luck in your efforts to maintain your life and health in good balance. I truly hope that you are that 2% minority for whom dieting will work.

However, if you are finding that you life is getting out of balance and everything is all about building up your body and eating in certain proportions, and you are letting the rest of your life go by the wayside in order to honor your commitments to maintain yourself on the boat, then you are setting yourself up for injury and burn out.

That's what happened to me. Please don't make the same mistake that I did and focus all your efforts on this small part of your life. It would be a shame for you to have to suffer an injury and discover how 'mad' you would get at yourself if those pounds just started to pile on.

Emy, tell me. Don't you think it's more important to love yourself with those extra 2-5-500 pounds extra and then the weight will take care of itself? I do.

As the owner of this blog and Commander in Chief of All Juicy Women, I'd like to welcome you with open arms to join a group of women who are learning to love themselves now and not wait around for when they are perfect. If you'd like to join, here's the link for whenever you may want a little bit of extra support and TLC for the soul.

http://www.thejuicywoman.com/en/juicywomanforum/

[Emy]

I wanted to comment and say I, too, have been struggling with my weight since a very young age, probably since 11 as well. I have read so much about dieting since thin and truly have learned a lot about my particular body. I think the real true turning point for me was when I bought "The South Beach Diet" book and read the introduction on "Good Carbs" and "Bad Carbs". I started that diet plan 3 years ago and to my surprise, I have kept off the 20 pounds that lingered on me for 8 years prior. It has been a battle, though, I admit it, but just like "The South Beach Diet" book will tell you, expect the battle and "learn how to get back on the boat". Yes, I get mad when I gain 2-5 pounds, but I know what I have to do to get it back off, and it works. I talk to myself quite often. I truly believe dieting is all how you train your brain, but only you can do it. The key, you have to want it, you have to know it, and you have to learn about it.

I get angry when I hear the word "diet"...I guess because it has been instilled in me since such a young age...I don't really know. So, instead, I like to tell myself, "Ok, you fell off the boat for a bit and now the break is over. Time to get back on it and re-train."

Exercise became a huge part of my life at 11 as well. I knew I had to be active to be healthier. I have done so much since I was 11. Three years ago, I picked up running, all thanks to my best-friend who got me into it. I remember when 1 mile felt like 20 miles. Before I knew it, I was addicted. Biggest reason, the weight loss results I saw from running were amazing. Not only that, but my fat turned into muscle. Running became "my time", and I wanted more of it. My best-friend then told me "you should run a 1/2 marathon" (13.1 miles). I laughed so hard at her like "yea, right, me?". Well, I was, once again, challenged and I did it! I ran my first 1/2 marathon 3 years ago and was thrilled. Then my best-friend said I should run a full marathon (26.2 miles), and I laughed even harder. But, again, I was challenged, and I did it!!

I have run numerous 5Ks, 10Ks, three 1/2 marathons, and 1 marathon. I am now in training for my 2nd marathon coming up next month. I am so excited. I can't believe how much I can run and still feel great.

Thanks for listening. It feels good to share with others my daily struggles with weight. People who see me don't think I struggle with my weight because you can't tell, but, little do they know, I work very hard to look the way I do.